Last year at this time I was in labor. I spent 15 hours at home in labor before going in at noon. Heather got to the hospital before Jesse and I! The room was filled with laughter, love and light. I knew then that it would be the last time I gave birth and I tried to be in each moment. With Jesse and Heather by my side we welcomed Ariya in to the world. Talyn, Sylver and Trinity arrived with Gramma very shortly after and we all marveled at her beautiful dark hair, giggled at her big feet and smiled in to those huge eyes drinking us all in.
It's been a year but I can still reach back in to my memory and feel her silken hair, stroke her chubby cheek and remember how awestruck I was that, yes, I really could love someone that I just met. Again.
This year has stretched me to the limits of what I believed I was capable of, brought me to the knee of our Heavenly Father daily, and forced me to not only accept my limitations, but reminded me time and again that I am not capable of perfection. Not even close. And that's ok. More than OK, actually. Liberating. I CAN'T do it all and That's OK. Really, truly, ok. Wow.
I know, now, that even though I don't have a choice any more, if I did have a choice I would choose no more children. Ariya has truly completed our family. She filled the empty space at our dinner table and that empty place in our hearts that we didn't even know we had.
I can't wait to watch her grow and see who she becomes ... just not too fast, my beautiful little daughter, not too fast.